I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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