yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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