Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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