fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
