My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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