3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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