dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
