Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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