Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
