Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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