She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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