It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
