I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize