Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I want her autograph on my taint
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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