I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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