..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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