I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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