I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
