I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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