have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
