I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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