she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
