About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
