She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
