Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
