You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
should my penis look like a turkey
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
