If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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