if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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