so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
