Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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