How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
