yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My cat gives me a boner
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Congratulations! We have a period
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