like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
