I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
