He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
