I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
