How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
