Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
