Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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