I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize