4 words: hood of his car
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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