well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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