oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
