No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
