you traded sex for a burrito?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
