K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
