I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think your dad took our porno
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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