so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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