I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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