Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I believe in your delicious
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
