he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
