I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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