worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
