Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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