Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
