what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
