I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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