It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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