Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
