You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
