i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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