I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i will never coherently bang her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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