i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
