just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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