she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
