Got a toothbrush?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
