he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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