He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
