You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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