Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
