32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
