I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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