fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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